PRAISE FOR CRUCIAL CONFRONTATIONS “The revolutionary ideas in this book demonstrate how these moments of potential breakdown are, in fact, opportunities for breakthrough. The wisdom this book offers will not only save countless imperiled relationships, it will strengthen the world by profoundly strengthening its fundamental build- ing blocks—our families, neighborhoods, communities, and workplaces. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People “The tools and concepts of Crucial Conversations have proven to be extraordinarily effective in preparing our leaders to manage change and improve results. We expect this new book to take us to the next level in driving accountability.
“ —Mike Redenbaugh, CEO, Bell Helicopter “The greatest test of a relationship is what happens when some- one lets you down. Yet these are the moments of greatest oppor- tunity. By learning to manage crucial confrontations, you can unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level. Never again will you have to choose between candor and kindness.
This book teaches you that you can win by using both.” —Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and The Secret: What Great Leaders Know—and Do “I’ve got no patience for foo-foo. This book is the real deal—it has immediate practicality. This is not fluff. The authors spent over 10,000 hours observing individuals who had been identi- fied as the best at engaging in difficult but necessary confronta- tions where everyone wins and relationships are ultimately strengthened.
Read it, underline it, learn from it.” —Mike Murray, VP Human Resources and Administration, Microsoft (retired) “Hot-headed players. Anxious team owners. Watch out! This book redefines how we all relate to each other. Read it now or get lost in the dust.” —Danny Ainge, Executive Director, Basketball Operations Boston Celtics “Brutal honesty is easy.
Suffering in silence takes no skill. Achieving absolute honesty while maintaining complete respect requires skill. And useful skills is what this book offers. It rede- fines how we relate to each other at work and at home.
When Crucial Confrontations becomes required reading for everyone, the result will be overwhelming increases in productivity and prosperity.” —Harry Paul, coauthor, FISH! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results “I’ve seen first hand how these ideas can change a company for the better. But Crucial Confrontations is not for the faint-hearted leader. It starts with the CEO, demands greater openness of all leaders, and removes people’s chronic excuses for failed results in the past. It also creates a new climate of willingness on everyone’s part to confront tough issues with colleagues.
It pro- foundly affects performance. I highly recommend it. Tolman, President & CEO Cook Children’s Health Care System, Fort Worth, Texas “This book bristles with ideas and insights. The authors build a compelling set of skills based on solid research and a deep understanding of psychological functioning.
Think of the most talented leaders, parents, or spouses you know—these are the skills they use. It is a ‘must read’ book for anyone who has to make decisions about people and to be socially effective. Philip Zimbardo, author, host of the PBS series Discovering Psychology, past president of the American Psychological Association, Professor of Psychology, Stanford University. “The compelling organizational, often life-saving, skills pre- sented in this book are the most important contribution to improving human interactions in health care I have seen in my career.
I am confident that if all healthcare providers adopt these strategies there will be a dramatic improvement in patient safety and satisfaction—the “bottom-line” in healthcare that really counts.” —Wanda Johanson, President, American Association of Critical-Care Nurses “To sustain a learning culture, the tools of Crucial Conversations and now Crucial Confrontations are a must-have! Read on and find out how Crucial Confrontations can add to your team’s effectiveness!” —Charlotte Roberts, coauthor of The Fifth Discipline Field Book “Clear and consistent communication can work magic in an organization. but only if leaders have the courage and skills to set clear expectations and hold all individuals accountable. Crucial Confrontations gives leaders simple, effective tools to address tough problems and move to resolution.” —Quint Studer, CEO, Studer Group and author of Hardwiring Excellence “There is no way to overestimate the power of language and con- versation to transform our lives. Crucial Confrontations offers a proven and powerful way to have more authentic relationships in a way that brings more care and compassion into the world.” —Peter Block, author of Flawless Consulting, Stewardship, and The Answer to How is Yes.
“Crucial Confrontations lays out not only the need for accounta- bility, but also practical steps on how to make it happen. People who say they believe in accountability and execution, but strug- gle with how to do it, should have this book on their desk. It goes beyond conceptual ‘solutions,’ and provides simple techniques and approaches that anyone can use.” —Paul McKinnon, Senior VP of Human Resources, Dell, Inc. “They’ve done it again! With Crucial Confrontations, the authors have once again delivered practical and proven tools to immedi- ately improve individual performance and organization success.
This will be the most recommended and most effective resource in my library.” —Stacey Allerton Firth, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada Crucial Confrontations Also by the Authors Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High Crucial Confrontations Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler M C G RAW-H ILL New York Chicago San Francisco Lisbon London Madrid Mexico City Milan New Delhi San Juan Seoul Singapore Sydney Toronto Copyright © 2005 by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. All rights reserved. Manufactured in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written per- mission of the publisher.
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Thank you for helping us learn. This page intentionally left blank. For more information about this title, click here Contents Foreword xiii Preface xvii Acknowledgments xviii Introduction: What’s a Crucial Confrontation? And Who Cares? 1 Part One: Work on Me First What to Do before a Crucial Confrontation 23 Ch. 1: Choose What and If How to Know What Crucial Confrontation to Hold and If You Should Hold It 25 Ch.
2: Master My Stories How to Get Your Head Right before Opening Your Mouth 55 Part Two: Confront with Safety What to Do during a Crucial Confrontation 81 Ch. 3: Describe the Gap How to Start a Crucial Confrontation 83 Ch. 4: Make It Motivating How to Help Others Want to Take Action 113 Ch. 5: Make It Easy How to Make Keeping Commitments (Almost) Painless 145 xi xii CONTENTS Ch.
6: Stay Focused and Flexible What to Do When Others Get Sidetracked, Scream, or Sulk 171 Part Three: Move to Action What to Do after a Crucial Confrontation 199 Ch. 7: Agree on a Plan and Follow Up How to Gain Commitment and Move to Action 201 Ch. 8: Put It All Together How to Solve Big, Sticky, Complicated Problems 217 Ch. 9: The Twelve “Yeah-Buts” How to Deal with the Truly Tough 231 Appendix A: Where Do You Stand? A Self-Assessment for Measuring Your Crucial Confrontation Skills 253 Appendix B: Six-Source Diagnostic Questions The Six-Source Model 258 Appendix C: When Things Go Right 262 Appendix D: Discussion Questions for Reading Groups 269 Notes 271 Index 273 Foreword As I read this book, my mind kept reverting to a particular image.
Watson and Francis Crick as they relent- lessly pursued the mystery of life. and finally struck upon the double-helix structure of DNA. The world has never been the same. Stockholm in December.
I don’t know whether the authors of this book will get the call that confirms a Nobel, but there’s a part of me that thinks it’s their just deserts for this magnificent and groundbreaking masterwork. An absurd claim? I think not. War and peace, wellness and extreme physical and mental malaise, marriage and divorce, abject failure and Olympian success. all these profound subjects at their core depend upon functioning—or malfunctioning—human relationships.
Little organizations: a 20-table restaurant or 20-person finance department. an army or a Fortune 50 corporation. Nations on the brink of war and genocide. Enter our new Watson and Crick and the essential element of the organizational DNA: the DNA of effective “crucial confrontations.” Some renowned management experts have made careers out of their belief, “Get the strategy right.
and the rest will take care of itself.” Others have said, “Strategy, smattergy. it’s the core business processes that explain the divergence between winners and losers.